


Not a Baby

by Lanceeselhombre



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breastfeeding, Crying, Diapers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, From his mom, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Pacifiers, Sad Keith (Voltron), Takes place in S5-6, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, You guys requested and I delivered, all of the new tags are mentions until the next update, bottles, mentions of - Freeform, naps, stuffed animals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2019-10-22 01:41:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17653604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanceeselhombre/pseuds/Lanceeselhombre
Summary: Keith always had an...odd fascination with babies. On earth, he would see the babies at the orphanage being taken care of and something in him would long for the same treatment. He wished he could be held all day long and not have to go to school or do homework or do chores.However, despite his fascination he knew that he was too big to be treated like a baby. And, as he grew up, he also learned that wanting to be babied or acting childish in any way was looked down upon in human society.So he locked that part of himself away. He stopped staring longingly at the babies he saw at the orphanage or out in public once he was adopted. He made himself face the fact that he was a grown boy.Not a baby.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I need to stop making new projects. 
> 
> But my brain won’t stop coming up with ideas. 
> 
> Send help.

Keith always had an...odd fascination with babies. On earth, he would see the babies at the orphanage being taken care of, would see the bottles and pacifiers and blankets and diapers they used, and something in him would long for the same treatment. He wished he could be held all day long and not have to go to school or do homework or do chores. 

 

As he began to grow lonely, he found himself daydreaming about being in their shoes. About having no responsibilities, nothing to do other than be taken care of by someone bigger than him. About being the center of someone’s attention. 

 

The daydreams were nice. 

 

However, despite his fascination (or whatever it was, he never knew what to label it) he knew that he was too big to be treated like a baby. And, as he grew up, he also learned that wanting to be babied or acting childish in any way was looked down upon in human society. Which meant he was weird. 

 

So he locked that part of himself away. He stopped letting himself daydream about something that could never be a reality for him. He stopped staring longingly at the babies he saw at the orphanage or out in public once he was adopted. He made himself face the fact that he was a grown boy. 

 

Not a baby.

 

*****

 

His odd feelings made a resurgence when he joined the blade. Apparently, the blade rescued abandoned kits and raised them to be warriors. 

 

Apparently, there were also a lot of these kits on the base. 

 

Sometimes he saw the older ones training, ones about his height that were working on mastering the skills they would need to join the fight one day. Noticeably, that was the only age group he saw. Kolivan told him they had lots of phoeb-old kits around, but he never saw any of them. He thought it was weird to be honest. How the hell did he see hundreds of blades every day but never once saw a baby? Didn’t kits need a whole bunch of attention?

 

Then he went along on one of the search-and-rescue missions as the driver, and he found out why he never saw the kits. All the caregivers kept the babies tucked away in their ‘pouches,’ a space on the spacesuits they wore he thought was just a fancy and big pocket for items. The pocket had extremely thin fabric and six tiny holes to expose the Galra’s teats- which 1) they had fricking teats like cats and 2) Keith always thought his suit was just old and had a few tears in it- so the kits could stay in there and nurse and sleep constantly without needing to come out. The only time they came out was to be stimulated- again, like a cat- or to be given a tongue bath. 

 

And fuck, when Keith saw that he felt a jealousy so strong he wanted to  _ cry _ . Those kits had no idea how good they had it; they had caregivers devoted to only them (the blades could only foster one kit at a time) who literally never left them alone and took the time to religiously care for them every few hours- the Galra even forfeited sleep for them! Meanwhile he grew up without anyone who treated him anywhere  _ near _ as kindly as their caregivers treated them, always having something looming over his head keeping him from resting like he wanted, believing that he wasn’t allowed the same kind of gentle care they got every day. 

 

_ He wished he was them.  _

 

He wanted to rest against someone’s chest all day and never have to get up for food or the bathroom or even a bath. He wanted someone who would come to his rescue every time he so much as made a sound hinting that he was uncomfortable. He wanted that kind of complete and undivided attention. He wanted to feel warm and comfortable and relaxed and safe and  _ loved _ . 

 

He had to stop thinking about it before he burst into tears in earnest, thus revealing his odd whatever-this-was to them. They would think he was weird. Childish. Possibly kick him off the base because of it. 

 

Every day after that mission, he was taunted by the knowledge that when he saw a small bulge in a blade’s belly, it was a kit getting all the love and attention  _ he  _ couldn’t have. It was a sick reminder of both his twisted mind and his terribly disappointing childhood. 

 

He hated it. 

 

*****

 

After he’d been with the blade for a year they found his mother. She’d been sent on a spy mission years ago and stopped reporting one day. No one knew if she’d been compromised, dead, or if something else had happened. But on one of the search-and-rescues she’d been found, left behind but in good health, and was now on her way back to the base. 

 

Keith felt a lot of things- elation, excitement, anger, anxiety, curiosity- but most of all  _ hope _ . The biological parents of kits (he guessed he could be considered a grown up kit, since he was half Galra) were supposedly much more protective and caring for their own instead of fostered kits. So, if his mother was even halfway decent, she would fawn over him like the other blades fawned over their charges, even if she didn’t baby him. 

 

He waited anxiously in the pod bay for the group from that mission to return alongside a few medics (in case of injuries) and Kolivan, who always met with newly arriving groups to hear their reports. 

 

It felt like hours before they finally showed up, and Keith was practically vibrating with energy as he watched the Galra slowly pour out of the pod, waiting for the woman that looked just like him. When she came out her back was turned to him, but he could somehow tell from her figure and her hair that it was her. He waited for her to walk over to him and Kolivan, not wanting to seem overly eager, a ball of all his combined emotions blooming in his chest with the anticipation. 

 

His mother turned to greet Kolivan, giving Keith an unobstructed view of her face. She looked like the spitting image of him- or, actually he looked like the spitting image of her- but with a purple face and cheek marks. Her golden eyes glowed softly and her pupils were sharp and confident. They glanced over at him for a brief moment, a light of recognition sparking in them. 

 

Then, Keith’s eyes traveled down to her chest, where she was cradling something, and his heart sank. A young kit clung to her uniform, it’s eyes closed in a dreamless sleep. 

 

Tears immediately sprung into Keith’s eyes at the sight of the kit. He’d….been replaced. His mother left him on earth as a baby and to make up for it she decided to foster someone else. 

 

Before anyone could react, Keith quickly spun on his heel and ran from the room, not wanting her to see how his heart was shattering in his chest. He didn’t stop running until he reached his sleeping quarters, where he slammed his fist on the lock and threw himself on his bed, sobbing in despair. 

 

He didn’t know what he expected from his mother- to be different from everyone else in his life? Maybe he’d hoped that the woman who gave birth to him would be the person he could count on to show him just a little bit of the love he longed for all his life. But he was wrong.

 

He wallowed alone in his sadness and self pity until he heard his door swish open a couple of minutes later. He expected for someone to come find him after he stormed out like that, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone. Hell, he didn’t know if he’d want to talk to anyone again, ever. How could he after what just happened?

 

A gentle paw caressed the back of his neck, and despite how soothing the touch was he roughly shoved it away. He didn’t want comfort. The only thing he  _ did _ want was his mother and her undivided attention, but that wasn’t going to happen. She had an actual baby to look after now, who would take up all of her time that wasn’t spent on missions or training. Which would leave nothing for him. 

 

As his wails started to pick up in volume, someone slipped their fingers under his arms and lifted him off the bed, and before he could see who it was he was laid against a warm chest.  _ They’re female _ , he realized, feeling the soft squish of breasts against him. He tried to sit up to look at the Galra’s face, but his head was guided to the crook of her shoulder, and he surprised himself by staying there. She rubbed his back soothingly as it jumped and shushed his uneven cries. “It’s alright dear, just let it out.” She cooed, her voice soft and sweet. 

 

Keith didn’t know who she was, (he didn’t talk to the other blades much) but he held onto her and let himself be coddled. This was the kind of treatment he always longed for, and he would take it anyway he could get it. Even if it meant it would probably stop once he calmed down. Something was better than nothing, at least. 

 

He didn’t want to calm down, because he was almost certain the coddling would end once he did, but the Galra was too comforting for him to help himself. It wasn’t too long before his sobs were reduced to upset sniffles, though his lip still trembled at the thought of being put down. As if she sensed this, the woman holding him kept him in her arms and sat down on his bed. It seemed like they would be there for awhile. 

 

Keith definitely wasn’t complaining. 

 

“You must be exhausted sweetheart.” She hummed, and the boy practically melted into her at the affectionate nickname. “Why don’t you take a nap? I’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

 

He couldn’t deny that he was exhausted, though more emotionally than physically, and the invitation to nap on someone was something he’d longed to do for too long to pass up. He settled down on top of her, his ear pressed above the pumping of her heartbeat, and closed his eyes. 

 

The teen felt a blanket being wrapped around him, and above it the woman’s arms. She added the perfect amount of pressure to the hug, and he was in heaven, the event from the pod room nearly forgotten, because all that mattered at the moment was that he was finally getting comforted. 

 

*****

 

When Keith woke up, the lights were dimmed. He must have slept all the way until evening, when the lights started slowly turning off. Other than that, though, the room was unchanged. He was still cuddled up to the Galra that came after him earlier, still wrapped in a warm blanket and being hugged just right. The thought made his heart swell, that they fulfilled their promise and stayed with him while he slept. 

 

He almost went back to sleep, not wanting to leave his spot in his comforter’s arms, but he was extremely hungry and thirsty. He tried to ignore himself, wanting to enjoy being coddled for just a few more minutes. 

 

Of course, his stomach had to growl and give him away. He felt the woman’s arms lift away from him, much to his chagrin, though she gently rubbed his back to compensate for the loss, which was okay. “Do you want something to eat sweetheart?” She cooed, and Keith felt himself melting into a puddle of goo in her lap. 

 

He nodded, unable to deny how hungry he was. “Let’s get you some food then.” She said, standing with him still in her arms. She started to make her way to the cafeteria, one paw cradling the base of his skull as if to keep his head from lulling. 

 

Keith laid limply on her and let her hold him up, comforted by the kind treatment. A part of him felt anxious that she was taking him somewhere public, somewhere with other people that would see him, a fully grown human, being cradled in someone’s arms like a young child. The other part of him didn’t care at all; this is what he’d always wanted, screw what the rest of the universe thought. He was happy.

 

He closed his eyes as they entered the café, preventing himself from making eye contact with anyone they passed. The last thing he wanted was for the anxious part of himself to take the forefront because he was thrown an odd look. That would make him stop enjoying this, and he never wanted to stop enjoying this. He kept his eyes closed until the women holding him sat down and moved him to sit sideways in her lap. 

 

He tried taking the chance to catch a glimpse of her face, but she was one step ahead of him and held him to her chest. “I know you’re curious about who I am. I’ll let you see after this, but first let’s get you taken care of.” She said placatingly, and Keith went along with it. He was still very high on endorphins from the whole experience, and as such very easy to sway. 

 

The Galra handed him a bowl of oatmeal and fruit. “I’ve got more food if you want it dear. Eat up.” She encouraged, starting to eat her own food.

 

Keith took the bowl and ate while leaning heavily into the woman’s chest. Even sitting sideways, at a supposedly awkward angle, she was so comfortable to cuddle up to. He didn’t even notice his eyes drooping as he finished his food awhile after, too caught up in feeling warm and comforted and cared for. 

 

When he finished the oatmeal the bowl was gently taken from him. “All done sweetheart?” She asked, and he nodded in return, more than content with his decently full belly. 

 

It was another few quiet minutes before he was lifted into her arms again and she walked out of the cafeteria. Keith didn’t pay attention to where she was going, more interested in the gentle bounce of her steps and the warm paw caressing his nape. 

 

He noticed the sound of a door swishing and opened his eyes a little to see them enter his bedroom. The Galra took her previous seat in the middle of his bed and moved him so he was sitting sideways in her lap again, one paw resting against the side of his head and gently stroking his hair. The affection was making him sleepy again, but he still wanted to see her face before he drifted off. 

 

She must have known what he was thinking, as she spoke up softly, “Okay sweetheart, you can look now.” She let the hand in his hair come down to wrap around his side in a loose embrace. 

 

Keith gave himself a few more seconds to soak in her warmth before he sat up, almost reluctant to move when he was so heavy with sleep. He tilted his head upwards, taking in her soft lavender fur and violet cheek marks before looking directly into her soft golden eyes. He recognized her almost immediately and pulled away out of shock, only to be held in place by her arms. 

 

He was suddenly much more awake, not to mention confused. “Mom? What?” He stuttered, unsure of what to say. 

 

His mother smiled softly at him, though her eyes filled with a swirl of sympathy and regret and many other emotions he couldn’t decipher. “Yes, darling, I know. I know you’re confused and upset, and you must have so many questions for me, but we’ll get to that. For now I want to take care of you. Going through a misunderstanding like that isn’t good for a kit.” 

 

Keith’s brow crinkled further in confusion. Misunderstanding? Kit? “What misunderstanding?” He asked, too distracted by the vagueness of her words to object to her pushing aside the important conversation they needed to have about, you know,  _ where she’d been all his life _ ? 

 

“The kit you saw? She isn’t mine.” She explained, getting straight to the point. “Her caregiver was killed before the ship was abandoned, so I fostered her until we were picked up by the blades. She would have froze or starved if I hadn’t saved her, but I never intended to adopt her.”

 

It took a moment for Keith to process that. When he finally did, all he could respond with was a simple, “Oh.”

 

His mother smiled a little wider at his reaction. “I could never adopt a kit, knowing I had my own little one, even if I couldn’t be there for you.” She said softly. 

 

Keith’s head was swimming with so many questions and things he wanted to ask her. Why did she leave him? Did she ever plan on coming back for him? Why was she treating him so softly if she left him in the first place? And why did she keep referring to him as if he was a young child?

 

His mother could see all of the questions on the top of his tongue and grinned. “It’s alright dear. We have all the time in the universe now. We can take as long as we need to talk about it. Just let me have a little longer to take care of you, and I promise I’ll explain everything.” 


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, his mother did just that. She explained everything to him: her crash landing on earth, finding the blue lion, the Galra that found her, everything. She told him why she left and how much she wished she didn’t have to. She told him that she loved him and that she was sorry she wasn’t there for him when he was younger. And now she wanted to be there for him, if he would let her. 

 

At first, Keith was absolutely pissed at her. He was angry and sad that she wasn’t there for him  when he was a kid, even if he understood why she left. He wanted to blame her for all the pain he went through after his dad died. He didn’t want to accept her apology. 

 

And he let her know it. 

 

Krolia weathered his fit quietly, and when all was said and done she told him that she would give him space. She didn’t want to force herself on him and if he wasn’t ready to accept her back, then she would respect that. 

 

Keith was still pretty upset as he watched her leave his room, but his heart still sank. He had pushed his mother away. She had been the first and only person to treat him affectionately and give him the attention he knew he needed deep down. And he pushed her away because he wanted to hold a grudge. 

 

He felt guilty for his reaction, but he also felt justified in it. He wanted to go find his mom and apologize, but he was too angry for that.

 

He unfortunately had a job to attend to, so he pushed his emotional turmoil to the side and got ready to perform his blade duties. As he got dressed in his suit, he felt a familiar pang in his chest, that want to not have to be an adult that plagued him daily, but he ignored it just like every other day. 

 

It was an impossible dream, even more so now that he’d yelled at the one person that could possible make it a reality. She was probably upset with him for his reaction, regardless of how calm she’d been, and wouldn’t want to baby him anymore because he was rude to her. 

 

As he thought about that, an overpowering urge to cry came over him, and he began to tear up. He fought against it, however, and swallowed down his tears. 

 

He wasn’t a baby and he needed to stop acting like one.

 

*****

 

Needless to say, he felt horrible as his day went on. Everything seemed especially dull as he made his rounds; not even the usual thrill of training could lift his spirits. He didn’t want to be so affected by the absence of his mom (he’d already lived his whole life without her, he should be used to it) but he was. 

 

He knew it was because they bonded last night. He knew it was because he had gotten attached before he knew it was her. He knew it was because he felt loved in her arms. 

 

One bad day quickly turned into a dreary, sleepless week, and even though he’d gotten over his anger, he couldn’t bring himself to apologize to his mother, afraid that she would reject him. But he knew he needed to do something before he randomly broke down in front of someone. He would be devastated if anyone found out about his baby thing.

 

Finally, a day later, he forced himself to find his mother and talk to her. What he would say, he didn’t know, but he needed to get the boulder rolling somehow. He knew had to do this for his own mental health. So during the next meal, he went to the mess hall and found the table where Krolia always sat, took a seat, and waited. 

 

He was apprehensive about talking to her again, and very much afraid of rejection, but he tried his best to steel himself. He didn’t do a very good job, considering his major lack of sleep was starting to affect his ability to think straight and control his emotions, but he hoped it would be enough to get him through a talk with his mom. Still, he couldn’t wipe the anxiety off of his face as he sat there in anticipation of what would come next.

 

Not even a minute later, his mom walked over with a tray of food and saw him. A confused expression came over her features as she put her food down beside him. “Keith, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” She asked in concern, but all Keith heard was scorn. 

 

His mother called him ‘Keith,’ not ‘sweetheart,’ not ‘dear,’ not ‘darling,’ not any other pet name. He wasn’t deserving of such titles anyone. He was mean to his mom, and now she didn’t see him as her kit anymore. It was a thought that sent his overly tired mind into overdrive, causing him to spit insults at himself even as he tried to keep a level head. 

 

Tears pricked at his eyes as he came to the same conclusion that he had when he first met his mom.  _ She doesn’t love me anymore. _ He knew it wasn’t true, but he believed himself anyway. It was his fault that mommy wasn’t giving him hugs or kisses anymore. This was all his fault.

 

“Keith?” 

 

Krolia placed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention, and he couldn’t handle it anymore. He bit his lip hard, trying to stop the cries that started to pour out of his mouth, but it was no use. He sobbed and hid his face in his hands, feeling horrible about what he did. “Sorry!” He cried. 

 

“Oh, sweetheart.” Just like the last time he broke down in front of her, she immediately picked him up and held him close. She was as warm and soft as he remembered, but it only made him cry harder. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.” She soothed, knowing right away what he was sorry for. 

 

Keith was hysterical, not even her reassurances could calm him down. He pressed his face into her shoulder and clung to her suit, still sobbing at the top of his lungs. Now that he was finally with his mom again, all of the stress from the past week was crashing down on him, leaving him feeling completely overwhelmed.

 

It became clear to his mother that he wouldn’t be calming down anytime soon and she started walking away from the commotion of the mess hall. “I think someone needs a nap.” She hummed, picking up on the tiredness of his cries. 

 

A nap with his mommy was exactly what Keith wanted, but he resisted. He was too cranky and upset to admit he wanted to sleep. “Noo.” He wailed. “I don’t want to.” 

 

“Yes you do.” Krolia said, not wavering despite his fussing. “You’re tired baby. You’ll feel better after you get some sleep.” 

 

Keith knew she was right, so he stopped arguing. He let her carry him back to his room and didn’t complain when she sat on his bed and cradled him like last time. His mom covered him in a blanket and squeezed him comfortingly, and just like that he stopped crying. He relaxed into her instantly and closed his eyes, starting to get sleepy. 

 

“I love you, sweetheart.” She said as she pressed a kiss to his forehead. “We’ll talk when you wake up.” 

 

That was all he needed to hear before he fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

It was dark by the time Keith was able to pull his eyes open again. Even after his nap, he was still exhausted from being a week behind on sleep. He could feel the sleepiness weighing down his eyelids, trying to coax him back to sleep, and that combined with the comforting warmth he was wrapped in had him drifting in seconds. 

 

He twitched as a part of his brain remembered that he was supposed to talk with his mom after his nap, waking him up enough to tiredly look around for his mother. He was surprised to find that they had moved to laying down under the comforter and that he was laying on top of her chest, still securely wrapped in her arms. She looked as if she had been sleeping, but a sliver of gold told him that his twitching has woken her up as well. 

 

Before he could apologize, his mother gently pressed his head back into her and rubbed his back in a sleepy motion. “Go back to sleep sweetheart.” She whispered, letting her eyes slip closed. 

 

Keith felt a soft warmth settle in his chest at the pet name. It was comforting for him to know that his mom still thought of him in that way even after his outburst. It made him feel happy and safe. 

 

He willingly closed his eyes and let himself be lulled back to sleep. 

 

*****

 

He was much more lucid when he woke up the next morning. He was able to remember the events of the previous day and feel embarrassed about how he’d acted in his sleep deprived state, but he was also happy he finally got his apology out of the way and that there were no hard feelings between him and his mom. 

 

Of course, they still had to talk, but he was ready for that now. 

 

Keith was the one to speak up first. “I’m sorry for throwing a fit.” He said right away, wanting to apologize before anything else. He’d been forgiven already, but there was still some lingering guilt that he wanted to get off his conscience. 

 

Krolia sat them both up before she responded, knowing that they were going to be having a serious discussion. Still, she kept it familiar, offering to let her son stay in her arms while they talked. He immediately cuddled up to her, earning a smile from the woman. “I forgive you dear. It’s common for kits to have tantrums when they’re upset.” She replied comfortingly. 

 

“You keep calling me that. A ‘kit.’” The boy observed, finally able to feel properly confused about the concept now that he wasn’t having a crisis. “Why?”

 

“Kit is the word Galra use for children.” His mother explained. “If I remember correctly, you should be turning six soon.” She said with a fond smile. 

 

Keith raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m eighteen.” He said, confused. What did she mean he was almost six? He was a legal adult!

 

Krolia chuckled at his tone. “In earth years, yes. But we keep track of time as it passes across the entire universe. However, as the universe expands, time changes, so Galra don’t use decapheobs to count age. Instead, we use developmental milestones. And from what I’ve seen, you look almost six.”

 

Well that was an ...interesting concept. Even with the new and odd information he was learning, it couldn’t distract him from the sudden sadness that came over him. He had hoped that maybe his babyish behavior could be explained by being part Galra, but six years old was way past being a baby. “How can you tell?” He wondered, unable to mask the disappointment in his voice. 

 

“Could I look you over?” His mother asked patiently. 

 

Keith didn’t see any downsides to letting her do so. “Sure.”

 

Krolia hummed and gently pulled the blanket away from them. It surprised Keith that the first thing she did was lift his shirt and look at his back and belly, but he let her do what she wanted. She looked at his nails and teeth, his eyes, under his ears, and a lot of other places during her ‘exam.’ She even gently tugged at the nape of his neck at one point, which he knew was a test for a scruff, and he was surprised to find that there was something for her to grab onto. 

 

Afterwards, the woman sounded content and slightly intrigued. “I was slightly off, you just turned five.” She said. “You’re missing a few traits that would give me a more precise age, but you still have part of your scruff, which would be gone by the time you turn six. But you also have a couple of your adult teeth, which you usually wouldn’t have until you’re almost seven. Interesting.” 

 

Keith wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he settled for a nod. Despite her explanation of his Galra age and why he was a kit, he was still sad and confused about the whole baby thing. If he wasn’t a baby, why did he still want to be treated like one? And why would Krolia coddle him like a baby if he was older than that by her own standards? 

 

His mother caught on to his bad mood quickly. “Why are you so quiet all of a sudden sweetheart?” She asked gently, tucking him back into herself to give him comfort. She could obviously tell he was upset. 

 

The teen shrugged. How did he admit to his mother that he liked baby things when he wasn’t a baby? “I’m jealous.” He said after a few minutes, figuring it was a good place to start. He was jealous, jealous of all the kits on the base that didn’t have to do anything. Jealous that the other kits were small and helpless and could be coddled without anyone looking at them weird. 

 

“Who are you jealous of? And why?” Krolia asked next, carding her fingers through his hair. 

 

Keith leaned into her touch, enjoying the comforting gesture while he thought of how to answer. He’d never voiced this thought process before. “I guess I’m jealous of the other kits. They look their age and people treat them like babies because that’s what they are. But I look like an adult and I am? But I guess I’m also a kid but no one else on the base acts like I’m five.” He eventually mumbled, feeling slightly better with that bit off his chest. He’d neglected to bring up the part that frustrated him the most though. He was embarrassed to admit that he felt so small. 

 

Krolia nodded to herself and was quiet for a moment. “I understand that.” She said. “But it sounds like that’s not everything. There’s something still bothering you.” She observed, causing Keith to internally and simultaneously thank her and sigh in annoyance. 

 

Keith gave her a nod to let her know she was right, but he didn’t confess right away. His mother didn’t force him too, instead comforting him while he sorted through his thoughts. She very gently bounced him in her lap, something that he had always secretly loved but never indulged himself in anymore. Only babies needed to be bounced for comfort, he got weird looks when he would bounce himself when he was younger. 

 

The sad memory made him blurt it out. “I feel like a baby and I like a lot of baby things but I’m an adult so I can’t act like a baby! But I want to and seeing all the babies on the base getting coddled all day makes me sad because I can’t have that!” He rushed to say, already feeling tears well up in his eyes at the reminder. He really didn’t like thinking about it. 

 

Krolia shushed him when she saw he was getting worked up and gently squeezed him like the night before. Again, Keith felt most of his anxiety and sadness drain away and was replaced with a strong sense of comfort. He wanted to ask why that always seemed to calm him down, but his mother was already talking. 

 

“I think you have a few misconceptions sweetheart.” She soothed. “What exactly do you mean when you say you feel like a baby?” 

 

Keith sniffled, feeling his nose drip from his short bout of tears. “I don’t want to have to work, I feel too young for that. I just want to be taken care of all day.” He said, sounding miserable. 

 

“And what ‘baby things’ do you like?” His mother continued. 

 

The teen couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed when he admitted his list of things he found comforting. “Bottles, pacifiers, toys, stuffed animals, baby blankets….” He hesitated a second before adding on, “diapers….” 

 

Krolia hummed knowingly, like she’d figured it out. “And how old is a baby in human standards?”

 

Keith felt himself deflate at the question. “Younger than three years.” Much younger than him. 

 

“Okay darling.” His mother soothed. “Thank you for telling me.” She carefully repositioned him in her arms so she was cradling him and began to slowly rock back and forth. The gentle motions were incredibly comforting for the boy in her arms and he cuddled into her further, seeking more of it.

 

“This is a bit complicated because you are not full-blooded, but I want you to know that what you’re feeling is common for a young Galra.” Krolia explained calmly. “When kits are weaned off of their comfort objects and their caregiver’s care too early, they become very overwhelmed and have a strong desire to return back to ‘being a baby.’ Because you grew up on earth, you were weaned off in the first sixth of your life, which would be before you turned one in terms of Galran development. Which was far too early.

 

“Because you’re still young, reintroducing the care a ‘baby’ would receive would reverse the stress you’re feeling. It’s actually very common for kits to hold onto some parts of their baby years until the age of seven or eight. There’s usually no need for a kit to let go of them earlier than that.” She said. 

 

The teen needed a minute to process all of that information. “So you’re saying you’d be willing to baby me? And you wouldn’t think it’s weird?” He asked, shocked at this turn of events. He would have never imagined that this would be happening right now. 

 

“Being forced off of care as early as you were can lead to mental and physical health problems, not to mention affect your ability to function if it isn’t corrected.” Krolia replied, concern thick in her voice. “I’m surprised you aren’t horribly sick and don’t want you to start getting sick now that I can do something about it.”

 

Keith felt like he was dreaming. Everything was going exactly how he’d imagined, so much so that it didn’t feel real. This was exactly what he’d always wished for, but at the same time he’d almost completely come to terms with never getting it, so he was struggling to accept that this was really happening. 

 

Krolia saw his internal conflict and backed up slightly. “We can take it slow, sweetheart. This will be a big change from what you’re used to and I understand if it’s hard, even if you want it.” She soothed gently before adding, “There’s no need to rush. Why don’t you take today to think about what you want to start with?” 

 

He could only nod in response to her at first. After taking a moment to find his voice he said, “Okay. I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im never good at dialogue heavy chapters lol


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn’t as polished as I would like, but I still wanted to post before I’m gone for the next couple of days. 
> 
> I had a headache while writing this whole chapter 😅

Krolia talked to Kolivan when she left to go to her morning training and managed to get Keith out of his responsibilities for the day. The news shocked the teen when his mother returned to the room an hour later with a plate of food and announced that he was going to stay in his room and rest all day. He knew he told her he was exhausted from being a blade 24/7, but he didn’t expect her to get him out of it so soon. 

 

In his shock he started to argue that he couldn’t not do anything for an entire day. There was still a war going on, he couldn’t just drop everything! Especially considering he was at the forefront of the effort with the paladins. What if something happened and he was too late to help because he’d been lounging in his room?

 

Regardless of his excuse, his mother wasn’t having it. “You haven’t slept well for a week sweetheart. You need to take a day to sleep.” She explained gently, tucking a tuft of hair behind his ear affectionately while she spoke. “Really, you should take more, but I don’t want to overwhelm you.” 

 

Keith already felt pretty overwhelmed, but he let that part go. They already went over how hard it was going to be for him to wind down, though he hadn’t truly understood how difficult it would actually be. Now that he was feeling the stress, however, he was beginning to realize what she meant. 

 

“Can’t I at least go to training?” He asked, trying to find anything he could do. In an attempt to convince his mother, he cuddled into her chest and looked up at her with his best set of puppy eyes. He really, really tried to be convincing, but he failed to sway her. 

 

Krolia wrapped her arms around him and chuckled, and Keith couldn’t help but melt into the warm embrace. He could feel the exhaustion pulling at his eyes, urging him to fall asleep in the comfort of his mom’s arms, but he resisted. He was trying to prove that he didn’t need a full day to rest, falling asleep wouldn’t help his case. 

 

“No, not today darling.” The woman replied quietly, her voice soft. “Even if I let you, you know Antok would pull you. Your reflexes are too slow when you’re sleepy.” 

 

Keith sighed. He knew she was right. “Fine.” He mumbled into her collarbone, finally giving in. He wasn’t getting anywhere and he was getting too sleepy to keep arguing. 

 

His mother pressed a short kiss to his forehead. “Thank you sweetheart, I know this isn’t easy for you.” Letting go of him with one arm, she leaned over to the side table and grabbed the plate she brought in with her. She offered it to her son and suggested, “Why don’t you eat your breakfast so you can go to sleep?”

 

The teen felt his stomach flutter happily at the affection. The kiss had soothed a part of him that he didn’t know needed to be soothed and it allowed him to feel relaxed in a way that he hadn’t been able to before. He had the sudden urge to ask Krolia to kiss him again, but he was too embarrassed to actually do so. He’d never been forthcoming about his need to be cuddled and hugged and kissed all the time. 

 

Keith willingly took the food after another urge from his mother and ate. He wasn’t particularly hungry, considering he was more tired than anything else, but he quickly finished the plate and put it back down. Once he was done he cuddled back into his mom, knowing that he would fall asleep against her much easier than if he laid down on the bed. Already, he was starting to feel drowsy.

 

Krolia let him rest on her and rubbed his back. “Remember to think about our discussion, okay dear? I’ll be busy today so you’ll have a lot of time to yourself.” She said. 

 

The boy made a small sound in response. Within seconds, he was asleep.

 

*****

 

After his nap, Keith thought long and hard about how he wanted his mom to take care of him. A lot of it was easy to decide on, like whether he wanted to play with toys, have lots of physical contact, wear more comfy clothes, or be fed and put to sleep. Those were all an obvious yes. 

 

But there were other things that were more complicated. For example, he didn’t want to stop being a blade entirely, though he would be fine with taking a break. He didn’t want to lose his edge but he also didn’t want to be going on missions multiple times a week. He would need to find a balance, but he couldn’t decide what he wanted it to be yet. 

 

He also really liked the idea of wearing diapers, but being changed by someone seemed embarrassing. He didn’t think he would be...going in them anytime soon either. They would be more of a comfort object for now. Deciding how he felt about it wasn’t hard, but knowing he would have to ask to be put in them was. He felt like he might get an odd look for wanting diapers when he didn’t need them. 

 

But the thing that he was struggling most with was the issue with bottles and pacifiers and stuff. He knew he wanted a pacifier and had always wanted to be bottle fed, but the problem was that he wanted more than that. He wanted to try breastfeeding. He’d heard that it was supposed to be really intimate and he’d wanted to do it ever since he learned it was a thing. But at the same time he felt…ashamed for wanting that. 

 

He’d learned that most babyish stuff was taboo through watching other people, but the idea that breasts were strictly off limits had been drilled into his head. He’d been scolded quite a few times after he got caught staring at women and was accused of lusting after them, but he wasn’t. He had faint memories of sleeping between Krolia’s breasts and he could remember the fascination he had for them, like all babies did. But his fascination never faded- probably due to his Galran heritage- and he was taught he was gross for still feeling drawn to something that was a comfort when he was a baby.

 

Needless to say, he was conflicted.

 

Keith ended up mulling over that concept for the majority of the time he was given to think, replaying the few memories he had over and over again. He was longing to have that intimacy again, but he couldn’t stop feeling sick to his stomach when he considered telling his mom. What if she told him he was too old for that? What if he made her uncomfortable? What if he cried because he felt gross for asking and embarrassed himself?

 

“You’re getting anxious.” A voice hummed beside him. 

 

He jumped and turned towards the voice to find his mother sitting beside him, looking concerned. He hadn’t heard her come in or felt the bed move when she sat down. “Huh?” He asked, trying to process what she said to him while he wasn’t paying attention. 

 

The sides of Krolia’s mouth twitched upwards slightly. “Something is making you anxious.” She repeated calmly. 

 

Keith nodded and stared down at his lap. “Yeah, a little bit.” He admitted, knowing he couldn’t hide it from her.

 

The woman hummed quietly in response. She gazed at her son for a few moments, looking for something, causing the boy to squirm uncomfortably. He kept his eyes down, afraid of what she would be able to see in them. 

 

“Have you been thinking?” She asked, suddenly changing topics. Her appraising gaze never left him, as if she was still trying to figure out what he wasn’t saying.

 

“Yeah.” He responded simply.  

 

Krolia’s eyes softened and Keith knew he’d been found out. “Have you decided what you want to do? Or do you need more time?” 

 

“No, uh, I’m good now.” The teen stammered, knowing that if he said no, he would only prolong his fate. The guilt was already eating him alive, he couldn’t imagine waiting a couple more hours to have this talk.

 

“Okay sweetheart. What did you have in mind?” She asked patiently. 

 

Keith felt his face flush as he tried to think of what to say first. “Uh, well I want to be taken care of a lot, obviously, but I also wanna be able to still be an adult sometimes. You know, train and go on missions, do stuff with the paladins…” He rushed, unable to help but feel a little anxious. He was essentially pouring his heart out to his mom, how could he not be worried? He’d never done this before. 

 

Krolia nodded in understanding. “I would never force you to give that up.” She reassured, soothing the teen’s concern. “As long as you’re healthy and well rested, you can continue your blade duties.” 

 

Even though he was a full grown adult and could do as he pleased, having that reassurance from his mother calmed him. It felt nice to have her support. “Okay.” He said, feeling better now that the conversation was going well. 

 

The woman smiled when she noticed his mood lifting up. “What kind of comfort objects were you thinking about?” She wondered next. 

 

“I would really like some normal clothes. Like shirts and pants. Body suits aren’t very comfortable.” He began, feeling more relaxed while talking about objects. “I like stuffed animals and I like toys I can build things with.” 

 

The thought of diapers crossed his mind, making him grow tense. Still, he forced himself to mention it, knowing he would regret never knowing his mother’s answer. “Um, I kinda want to, uh, wear diapers? But I’m not gonna use them, I just think they’re comfortable.” He stuttered, looking anywhere but Krolia’s face. God, he was an adult and he just admitted that he wanted to wear diapers. He was so embarrassed. 

 

A paw softly cupped the nape of his neck. He resisted the urge to look up, but the gesture was comforting and he knew his mother couldn’t possibly be upset. “If that would make you happy, I’d be willing to do it for you.” She said sincerely. “I took care of you as a baby, diapers aren’t a big deal.” 

 

Keith nodded quietly, still too embarrassed to look her in the face. “Yes please.” He said. 

 

Krolia rubbed the underside of his ear with her thumb in an offer of comfort. “I remember you were attached to your pacifier. Would you want one?” 

 

The tips of the boy’s ears grew red, but he nodded. He was happy he hadn’t had to bring that one up on his own. 

 

“Okay sweetheart.” His mother whispered. “There is one non-negotiable I want to add. As I said, you were weaned too early when you were younger. I’m concerned that you have a couple of deficiencies and that you’ll get sick if they aren’t corrected. So I want you to start drinking milk again.”

 

Keith was internally combusting as she talked, but she either didn’t notice or didn’t acknowledge him as she continued, “I am aware that the paladins have a cow and that you drank milk regularly at the castle, but cow's milk is very...inadequate. It’s missing many components that Galra need to stay healthy.” 

 

The teen nodded robotically in response. “Okay.” He was feeling many conflicting emotions about being told that his mother was not just okay with, but also totally for something that would give him an excuse to breastfeed. He felt relieved, but he also felt oddly uncomfortable for a reason he couldn’t identify. 

 

“You can drink it from a cup or a bottle. It’s your choice.” She said. 

 

“A cup.” Keith replied immediately, suddenly too uncomfortable at just the thought of a bottle to consider it. She hadn’t said it outright, but he knew that he was going to be drinking  _ her _ milk, and despite the fact that it was what he wanted, the intimacy of it was suddenly terrifying. It shocked him that he was so scared of something that he’d just been daydreaming about. Why was he scared?

 

The paw disappeared from his nape, but before he could miss it he was pulled into a hug. He pressed his face into his mother’s shoulder and tried to calm down, but he couldn’t do much. Krolia rubbed his back soothingly. “It’s okay to be anxious, sweetheart. Letting me cuddle with you and take care of you like I have in the past week is easy, because it’s superficial. You don’t need to have a deep relationship to do that.”

 

“But doing some of the things you want to do, like having your diaper changed or being bottle fed, are much more personal. It requires a lot of trust to let someone do that for you.” She explained gently. “And we’ve been away from each other for a long time. So we are going to need a lot of time to build up that trust.”

 

Keith nodded into her shoulder. That made sense. “How long?” He wondered, feeling impatient. He didn’t want to feel anxious around his mom, he just wanted to be able to be happy and spend time with her. 

 

“I can’t tell you that darling.” Krolia replied softly. “We’ll get there. There’s no rush.” 

 

The boy hummed unhappily. He didn’t want to wait to have the relationship he wanted with his mom. He wished he could trust her enough right now, but she was right; it was going to take time. No matter how much he wanted to rush, he was to make it happen any faster. 

 

Krolia pulled away from the hug after a moment and looked Keith in the eyes. “We can start by doing what you’re comfortable with, okay sweetheart? There’s still plenty of things we can do.”

 

He nodded, though he couldn’t help but still feel upset. “Okay.” 


End file.
